What Went Wrong this Easter?

I will tell you: I did not eat a single Cadbury brand Creme Egg this Easter season of 2008. This is not for want of trying or lack of opportunity - I visited two CVS stores today (Sunday) and one the previous day, but all searches of their shelves proved fruitless*. I would have gone to a Grocery store or a more Reputable Confectionery had I the time, but I was busy being a human being who doesn't expect to have to buy his God Damn Easter Candy in Advance I'm Sorry. Would that I could raze this city to the ground for this (as I see it) slight against The Lord's Tradition, but I know in my hollow heart-cavity of hollow heart-cavities that the machinations of this catastrophe were of my own design, and that is the bitterest egg of all to have to swallow.




*I did find a few Cadbury Orange Creme Eggs, which is a lot like coming home from sleep-away camp to find that, in your absence, your whole family has packed up and moved away, leaving only a note on the front door that reads "sorry," and on the back of which is written "that nobody will ever fucking love you for as long as you disgrace the planet with breath in your lungs."