Here is the Only Piece of Political Commentary you will get from me At Least for A While

Fuck Y'all (the Comic): Going off to College

You will almost certainly have to click on it to read it.




Anyway, talk to you later.

FY(tC)

Listen: I have backed myself into a hell of a corner on this one. Here - I’ll explain.

About fifteen minutes ago the current members of The Place, myself included, were gathered around the kitchen table eating items from Starbucks that had been brought home for us. For whatever reason, one member of the gathering mentioned that she’d spent the better part of the day reading the webcomic XKCD, which elicited apathetic responses from two people seated at the table, and a roll of the eyes from me. I know that if this were a blog that any real number of people read I’d draw some serious ire for feeling negatively about XKCD, but my humble status being what it is, I will be frank: that comic is not my thing. It’s not that I don’t get it (it’s really important that I stress that fact to you over and over again so you realize that I am not dumb, not dumb at all), it’s that I feel, when reading it, as though the author is standing right behind me giggling and smirking to himself at how clever he is. And that bugs me, even though it’s probably not the case.

This is all backstory for what’s really important: in a moment of impulsive/misguided ambition and resentment, fueled by sugary pastries and fancy orange juice, I exclaimed that I would make my own webcomic “about stick figures and graphs,” and that it would be called “Fuck Y’all” and that “everyone will love it.”

Listen: for the most part, I am a man of my word, at least for a day or two. Because of this, you 3 readers are welcome to tune in tomorrow when the first ever strip of Fuck Y’all (the Comic) will premiere right here to the kind of overwhelming praise and sympathy the likes of which hasn’t been seen since that other comic I did.

What Remarkable Thing did I Eat Today? (And other Remarkable Things That Happened)

Listen: I thought today would be just another normal day in my life (currently on day 7,966), and that nothing fantastic or remarkable or atypical would happen to or around me.

Not the case.

• First: I woke up like 4 times this morning before it was time for me to get out of bed - not typical
• Second: I ate breakfast - not typical
• Third: I got a real terrible sick feeling walking to work because I saw all the university’s incoming freshmen and their parents and cars and siblings and belongings creating a traffic disaster on campus - not typical (inasmuch as it is not typical to see incoming freshmen, it is very typical for such sights and many others to give me a terrible sick feeling)
• Fourth: I ate a Second Breakfast courtesy of one of my supervisors at the Media Center, and here is where the day gets remarkable (not the free food from a boss part - that happens basically weekly at this point).

Look at what I was given



Your first instinct, I imagine, is to recoil in disgust at the idea that someone would eat a hamburger for breakfast. Then, upon reflection, you might decide that this is some kind of a sausage biscuit, and while more breakfast-appropriate, the enormous size of the alleged meat patty would give anyone who isn’t a trucker a moment of pause. Listen: you are incorrect if you think the item in the above photograph is a hamburger, or a sausage biscuit, or anything that isn’t a doughnut inside another doughnut bun.

That’s right - A Doughnutburger.

There are probably some stuck up people who are not immediately enthralled by this idea on account of caring about Nutrition, or because they think that foods made to look like other foods aren’t awesome, or because they just don’t like doughnuts very much. This time, those people are Wrong about what is Awesome, and I’d be willing to bet they’re wrong most other times as well. This is, without hyperbole, the most important food-related thing that has happened to me since that time I went to this restaurant.

Will other important things happen today?

Everything that Happens Will Happen Today Happens Today

Listen: This is not a music blog (I think I might have mentioned that before), but I felt like I had an opportunity to both spread minimal awareness of David Byrne and Brian Eno's new album Everything That Happens Will Happen Today while at the same time being the only person on the internet with enough wit to come up with a blog entry title whose cleverness is proportional to its time-sensitive/short-lived accuracy and relevence. That being done, I will go back to putting together that information about typewriters which was requested and promised sometime over a year ago, and assembling some information regarding Ohio, a place from which I've recently returned.

They Have Knighted a Penguin

Listen: this blog is not supposed to serve as a means to broadcast to you all of the news stories I see in a given day (estimated number of news articles I read in a given day: 2?), but this story is too important not to yell all over the internet. A penguin has been Knighted.

Now You Know!

I Forgot to Tell You about Al Pacino vs Robert Deniro Week

And I am infinitely sorry, I can’t believe it slipped my mind for the better part of a month. The trouble was that my scanner wasn’t working properly, and then I set the materials and records aside and buried them under someone else's stuff, and didn’t find them until about twelve minutes ago when I was looking for-

You know what? That's not important.

Important: The Second Annual Al Pacino Vs Robert De Niro tournament.
When: You missed it, it’s over.
What: People vote to show their opinion of who is better.
Why: Because while at work I sit at a desk about 12 feet from 6500 (and counting) DVDs, and not enough of them get checked out on the merits of whether or not they speak to Robert de Niro or Al Pacino being superior to one another.
How did it Turn Out: Robert de Niro won, which was not really a surprise given that his volume of work is, for the most part, more watchable. Pacino won last year, mostly because it wasn’t a real competition that time, and more just a weekend when we watched Dog Day Afternoon and Scent of a Woman and Taxi Driver, and you know how those stack up*. I wish that the library had Midnight Run† so I could have put that on display and declared De Niro the winner five seconds after the tournament began, rather than after a week and a half. Oh well.
The Best Part: it was illustrated.




Anyway: I hope this annual contest is not rendered moot by the upcoming Righteous Kill.


*If you don’t know: Taxi Driver is just ok, Dog Day Afternoon is excellent, Scent of a Woman is very good.

†Midnight Run is the best.