What was written on the dollar in my wallet?

Here is the Most Boring Table in the World

I know short-form image-reliant-punchline-entries like these are what make a hundred teenagers endlessly refresh a hundred tumblrs and twittrs, but here I go, putting on on bloggr. Also damn, I ain't done a thing on this blog in a long old time.

It is Fathers' Day

So here:

More Evidence of My Brother's Existence

Listen: My brother has graduated law school, and in honor of the occasion I went to New York and sat through the reading of a number of names. Photographs were also taken. This is one of the few instances in which my brother is not making a terrible face in a family picture. I know that in the past the existence of my brother has come under a lot of scrutiny and skepticism, and I hope that any readers' lingering doubts are finally put to rest.

In other news, This is what my extended family looks like, in case you were super curious, and this guy's dad made a really excellent speech.

Here is That Oliver No. 5 You Asked About

It's going to take a lot of steel wool and chemicals to make it something worth looking at, and a short length of thick string to make it work correctly. You can't see it, but there's a painted logo of a chubby constable on the carriage that really ties the whole thing together. I guess if I'd been alive in the time of chubby-people-as-logos-for-things I'd be nostalgic for them. At this point all we have left are the Pilsbury Dough Boy and Bibendum

Here Is How Ohio Is

I am not in Alaska yet, and this is for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that travel is not something that can be compared to continuous data, and is instead a series of compartmentalized steps that nobody has the authority to bypass. The result of all these rules is my presence in Ohio at this moment. Ohio is a place that, until what was technically yesterday, I hadn’t seen since January. What’s more, August and January are the two months during which I’ve spent the most total time in Ohio, and none of these Augusts or Januaries have ever been good times for this person. The worst part is that minor, month/season-specific details from January appear to be bleeding into this particular August. For example there are three two-liter bottles of Coke on the counter in the basement of the house, all of which feature polar bears and express a written hope that my holidays be happy. This is very unsettling for a person who enjoys both cola and Christmas as much as I do.

It gets worse. Ohio is also a place with a number of shelves that features objects the sight of which upsets me for reasons that are difficult to explain and therefore understand. I am not mad at the objects for being on the shelves, instead I am bothered rather tremendously by the simple fact they are existing in Ohio, when in fact it seems like they ought to be somewhere else. There are two shoeboxes and one sketchbook especially responsible for this mental unrest, but it’s unclear at this point what should be done. Last year I took the precautionary measure of cutting out all the words I ever wrote in the sketchbook.

I will now offer evidence that suggests that Ohio might not be a terrible place. My parents live here, despite the fact that their lives seem to be defined by extreme silence, and take place in a town in which it is unclear whether or not they actually know anyone despite having been here for two years.



Finally, Ohio provided me the adventure of dealing with a very scared mouse that had ensconced itself pretty securely in an area near the house’s kitchen. The story about this mouse ends with it being captured in a dustpan before being released outside, where it was in all likelihood devoured by an owl. The blood is not on my hands, the blood is on Mother Nature's hands and also the owl's, but owls do not have hands.

Here is That Picture of a 3-legged Cat

...That I took with my phone almost three months ago.



It is one of the friendliest cats I have come across, and it belongs to one of the many Sarahs I know. That is a book of short stories by Etgar Keret nearby.


Here is a special bonus picture of what O'Hare International Airport looks like when you are in a pretty serious hurry.



Someday: probably many entries just about airports and just about cats (no more about both, though).

Here is that Digitally Manipulated Image of a Skyline you Asked for

You have to click on it, ok?