A Return to Normalcy

This blog has a problem. The problem is not the fact that it is rarely updated and generally neglected, but that its content of late - what little there has been - has strayed from the original themes and motifs that made this blog worthwhile to begin with: Information, and Terrible Ideas Drawn on Notebook Paper. And Airshow Disasters. I hope to rectify this misstep as quickly and effectively as possible starting today, April 3rd 2009, a day that is rainy and sucky.
Please consider yourself Informed.

Another Christmas Special

You're welcome

Here is an Illustration

Which was inspired by the last eight words in the following sentence:

Man on motorcycle with pilot goggles opens enormous coat to reveal enough lit explosives to destroy the Entire West.

Logically, the sentence was inspired by the poster for this movie which is hopefully awesome. Anyway, here:

Here are Two Similar Christmas Cards

It's That Day.

In the unlikely event that you knew me exactly three years ago, and were close enough to me to justify expending printer ink and card stock you might have gotten one of these way back in 2004. I have reason to believe, however, that nobody who checks this site had anything to do with me until spring of 2005 at the earliest, meaning that there's a good chance you missed out on this self-proclaimed triumph of Christmas-themed raster artwork:



Well, time has passed and the fact that I only really like to draw about 2 things in this world have led me to revisit the robotic Santa Clause depicted above, this time in the cold harsh world of Vectors.



Before anybody mentions it, yes I am aware that Futurama contains a character of remarkable similarity to this one, but I'd like to point out that 1) I came up with this independently (it is really not that original of an idea regardless), and 2) mine looks better.

Merry Christmas

This Is Not That Information about Typewriters You Requested

It is, instead, some vector art of an Underwood No. 5 done in that hateful program I have Previously Complained About. Now you have to look at it as that Information you requested continues to await its transmission.



As a special bonus you can now also look at an Oliver No. 3 in addition to the Underwood. You are, as always, infinitely welcome.

Here is What I Did in Art Class Today

Or, more accurately, Graphic Design Class. Maybe you are wondering why I am taking a graphic design class, so here is why: despite my best efforts I continue to enjoy looking at and choosing fonts, and also using fonts. I am learning that proper people call them "typefaces" so I am trying to be better about that. I like entertaining the notion that someday in my life a person will give me money to move letters and perhaps also images around in an area in order to prepare that area for people's viewing. This will probably not happen, but just in case it does it is important that I learn how to draw the idea of text doing silly things, like a lowercase g in Freight acting like a balloon while an uppercase Copperplate T anchors it. So, here you are.



In unrelated news, Here was the thing that was the best part of today.

Here is What I Imagined Today

Quite vividly as I walked across the street towards the Ice Cream Shoppe with Intentions in my heart and goals in my stomach.



I slept for three hours and woke up with my head two years behind the present. Then I rode in a plane. I carried a couch a long way. Could these things have contributed to what you see above?

Also the illustrated guide to Etc may or may not return.

Here is Part Three

Of the illustrated guide to my most recent and most aquatic family vacation.



I know how revolting a habit this seems to a lot of people, and they're right - it is totally disgusting, yet still pleasant. It's like when I see a happy couple kissing or calling one another by pet-names in public: seeing them makes me sick, and yet if I were to ask them why they're doing something that I find absolutely nauseating to witness they would answer, "because it's nice." People not smoking cigars are hateful and lonely.

Here is Part Two

Of the illustrated guide to the trip I took to this country's upper west side.





As a bonus I have included a picture of an island that looks alarmingly like a Normal Curve:

Here is Part One

Of the Illustrated Guide to My Trip to Alaska on an Environmentally Hostile Cruise Ship




You will almost certainly have to click it in order to read it, and there will almost certainly be more of these to follow. In other news: hello, it is nice to be back in America Proper.